Poor Jon Stewart got ripped to shreds by Tom Shales. Shales was a little harsh, and he said J. Lo looked pretty, pretty much causing the rest of his commentary to be called into question. Also, I liked Michelle Williams' dress, and I was pissed when she did not win, not because, you know, I saw any of the boring ass movies nominated, but because it increased the chances of her thanking giant head Dawson in her speech, and also it warms my cold dark heart when anyone from the WB does well.
My main beef with the Oscars every year is that they freaking nominate movies that no one saw, or, you know, cares about, and then they complain that no one goes to the movies. Hey Hollywood: how about (and this is a radical idea, so you'll want to brace yourself) not making suck ass movies? And also, how about nominating some movies other than the ones you thought were 'artistic'? Sure, I liked Crash. Sure, it would have been cool to see Brokeback win if only to hear a giant popping sound that would have been Bill O'Reilly's head exploding. But what about, I don't know, movies that people actually went to? I acknowledge they were certainly in short supply this year, but mainly I'm still mad from last year when best movie of the year Spiderman II wasn't nominated for anything. That movie was awesome. I tried to shoot webbing from my wrists for weeks after. But no, you had to crown suck ass Million Dollar Baby which, also, no one saw.
My Wolverine Action Figure is plotting to win an Oscar for X-Men 3. At the very least, he wants one of those presenting gigs, for the sweet gift basket. There's a guy with his priorities straight.
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